But Jesus Himself would often slip away to the wilderness and pray.
Luke 5:16
In the ESV it says desolate places, the NIV calls it lonely places. I'm not sure what to call it.
This post is going to be scattered and raw so I'm just forewarning you...if you want to feel happy, deep or fluffy than please sign out now:) Everything is okay and I wish I could be Super positive Sally but that is just not where I'm at.
This verse hit me about a week ago. Jesus is our example and when He was weary and needed to be with the Father He would retreat. He would pull away to solitary places. Now when I need a break and a place to plug in and refill I generally choose a nice hotel, or the beach when it is beautiful outside or my bed for a nap. Not Jesus though. Where did He go? No hammock by the lake for Him. He headed into the wilderness. What? Like where it is most likely hot during the day and cold at night and wild animals live and usually barren and dangerous? THAT wilderness? Yep?
Once again Jesus modeled a completely backward approach. His choice was lonely and desolate. When He needed to reconnect with the Father and gain strength He chose to go to the LAST place I would pick. He sought intimacy with His Source and found it.....in the lonely, harsh, desolate, hard places.
Yikes....so in this sucky season of endless waiting, uncertainty and frustration I certainly can and SHOULD find intimacy with Him? I can seek Him and find Him in this place, not in spite of this season and my surroundings. Sometimes my perspective is that I will find deeper relationship with Him in the midst of a hard season because of my greater need for Him...and this is true. Sometimes I find sweeter intimacy with Jesus after a difficult circumstance because I am so thankful for the sweet release He brings....and this is true. And sometimes when I look ahead and see a desertland in the distance that I may walk through, it drives me to greater communication with Him as I beg for His Presence and intervention...this is also true.
However, I am trying to sort through how, when I feel a need for more of Him....I may actually be called to GO to the wilderness....the lonely place....the desolate place...and that is where I will be refilled. That is hard for me to wrap my head around. But that is where Jesus went and it makes no sense to ME...but if Jesus did it, then it must work! He was so backwards, dadgumit! And where is that place? I do know when I allow myself to be truly poured out in obedience, I find him there and it is good! So maybe it does mean pulling away from the busyness and taking a break from relationships for a time...which can be hard, so I can be filled. Or maybe it says yes to loving on someone that is pretty unlovable and investing in something that looks like it may have a poor return, simply out of obedience to His whisper...and that is where I will find my needed Source.
So I haven't figured all that out, obviously, but this is where I am at. Right now we have been in the adoption process for two years and waiting for a referral for about 11 months. We had NO idea it would actually take this long. Most days I am struggling with this. About two days a week I feel peace about it and firmly trust His timing. Yeah...obviously I could use some help in the old faith and trust department.
I KNOW He has got this and His timing IS perfect and we just need to wait and trust. However, getting my mind, my heart and my body all on the same page on the same day is like wrangling cats.
The good news is that YES this IS causing growth in me and is certainly making me flesh out and walk out what I believe. Yea!! I am learning to go back to what His Word says and bring my emotions into submission to that. I am learning to wait with joy (some moments) and the gift that waiting can be. I am developing relationships with AMAZING men and women that advocate for widows and orphans ALL over the world. I love that part and pray that the Lord uses these relationships in my life in the future.
He has planted a passion for orphans and hurting children within me that just burns. It is hard to explain and I am thankful for it, but honestly it can be really hard. I know, cry me a river....but it is hard. I want to bring children without a family into our home...children that are getting older every day. I know the Lord will make it happen when He sees fit but each night I go to bed with them still not home it is just hard knowing that was another day that I missed the little things...and maybe the big things. Thankfully the Lord has brought so many godly, passionate people into my life that also have a passion for orphan care so every day I hear stories about little ones desperate for families. And I want to GO...I want to GO...but the Lord has not opened the right door yet, so I can't.
He is their Savior and not me. I believe this wholeheartedly and boy, oh, boy do I pray for these little ones. So many that aren't meant to be Chapmans but I'm praying the Lord will raise up families around the world to bring these precious ones home. He has pushed us WAY out of our comfort zones and I know this is just the beginning. We are just at the bottom of the mountain looking up. But isn't this how we are called to live as Christ followers? To care more about obedience than our comfort? To sacrifice our plans for His plans and be willing to lay down our lives so others can live?
I was challenged recently (this should be a whole other blog post) reading in Joshua and Judges how the generation that experienced the crossing of the Jordan and God bringing down the walls of Jericho and bringing them into the Promised Land...that generation failed to teach their children and grandchildren about what their mighty God did.
"After that whole generation had been gathered to their fathers, another generation grew up, who knew neither the LORD nor what he had done for Israel." Judges 2:10
and so what happened?
"Then the Israelites did evil in the eyes of the LORD and served the Baals. They forsook the LORD, the God of their fathers, who had brought them out of Egypt. They followed and worshiped various gods of the peoples around them. They provoked the LORD to anger..." Judges 2:11-12
Because the children were not taught of the Lord's faithfulness and did not see it...they forsook the Lord. I was challenged to ask #1-what are my children learning about the Lord from me? That He is the Creator and the Author of a lot of cool stories and blesses our food? I want them to see His truths written out in my reactions, in the way I pray, the way I serve, the way I love them and the least of these. I want them to know that He is mighty, Sovereign, faithful, tender, ever-present and awesome!! It is MY responsibility to LIVE that, not just say it!
And #2-and am I raising them in a way that they NEED Him? Am I living in a way that I need Him? When the Israelites were starving in the desert they needed God to show up with some manna...when they faced the Jordan River at flood level they needed a great big God to show up with a solution...and when they were facing the imposing walls of Jericho and marching around following God's crazy sounding plan...they needed God to do some shaking!
Is my life so comfortable and risk free that I have it all under control and even though I worship God and enjoy my wonderful church...I don't actually NEED Him? Oh my goodness!! I am so used to making sure my kids have the right food and the right vitamins and aren't too cold or too hot and don't get too thirsty or too tired...aaahhh when do they realize they need God? Mom and Dad have it all taken care of! Okay I'm not going to starve my kids I'm just wrestling through comfortable Christianity. God didn't save us to be simply safe. If I'm praying that my boys will grow to be warriors for Christ we may have to experience some battle training. Do I know exactly what that looks like? No, but I certainly don't ever want to face Jesus and realize I never lived in a way where I got to a place of actually needing Him. He has so much more for us, I truly believe that!
I told you this would be scattered. I'm nowhere near polished at the moment. Most days I feel so unprepared...but it doesn't change the passion and desire to be obedient and the calling to adopt. So every day I beg the Lord to bring us a referral. We are still #2 on the waiting list. There are many more uncertainties than certainties. Please pray for patience and wisdom. Pray that God will speed the days. I pray every day for our little ones to feel safe, loved, protected and chosen. I pray that deep down they will feel secure and wake up each day with hope. I pray that He daily brings someone into their lives to bring them food, water, shelter and medicine if they need it. And I pray that He will bring someone to wrap their arms around them and they will find favor in their caretakers' eyes. Would you pray with me? Would you ask God to make our next steps crystal clear, that we would have unity in our decision making and that He would get ALL the glory!
One of my biggest prayers from day one is that He would be glorified and that He would give many, many of our friends and family a passion to adopt and for orphan care. I am praying for many of you by name that He would spring up within you the calling to expand your family and give a child a home. We were all orphans at one time. The Father adopted us. Where would we be without Him? He rescued us. So Sunday, November 4th is Orphan Sunday. Will you be brave enough to just ask the Lord to give you that passion and desire...if He wants and wills? Just asking is so God honoring. I know we aren't the poster child of happy endings....yet...but oh He IS faithful and He WILL complete this good work He has started in us. I am confident of this. Thanks for tracking with me:)
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Saturday, September 1, 2012
He Will Not Delay
This post just totally messed me up! I hate it when I read something like this....and it just settles in somewhere deep in my heart, mind, soul and starts to burrow and dig. I know I came upon it for a purpose and I trust that the Lord will do with it what He wills...but it is uncomfortable and hard and I am not sure where it will lead.
But I can't hide from how it makes me feel or what it has opened my eyes to.
“If you really cared about us —then why didn’t you come sooner?“
But I can't hide from how it makes me feel or what it has opened my eyes to.
“If you really cared about us —then why didn’t you come sooner?“
Ugh! This quote punches me in the gut on so many levels. Like when you were a kid and fell down and got the breath knocked out of you. What am I missing, Lord? Recently one of my most common prayers has been, "Speed the days Lord to bring our little ones home!" And this morning when I was praying with the boys I asked, "Lord, if there is something we are missing that could help the process along, then show us!" I don't know that there is an answer to that.
We are in a really good season. The boys have started school and we are establishing some great routines with schoolwork and sleep and eating and exercise. The two youngest have amazing teachers and McCall and I are enjoying homeschooling. Community Bible Study and Co-op for McCall both start next week as well as flag football. We have lots for me to be focused on...lots of balls to keep in the air. I am thankful and I love it.
However, honestly so, so often my mind is a million miles away wondering....where are the other littles that should be here, what are they doing, who is feeding them, is anyone looking in their eyes? Are they sick, scared, hungry? Every morning we pray for them, over them. A million times a day I pray for them, over them, about them....checking my email a gajillion times to see if there is any new news.
Sorry for sounding pitiful. It is just a weird season. So full and so good...yet I am still feeling so distracted and torn so often. Yet I'm thankful that I recognize areas the Lord is working in me....teaching me how to be content, how to choose to turn my thoughts toward praise and meditate on all I have for which to be thankful, taking my anxiety and impatience to prayer and fighting to be right "here".
We are #2 on the waiting list. No movement since April. We are in the process of being refingerprinted and in October we will need to have our homestudy updated so we can request an extension with USCIS before January when it would expire. We are driving the 15 passenger van full time now. A great reminder to walk by faith, not by sight.
My sweet friend, Melanie Turner, held a Thirty-One Adoption Fundraiser for us in August. It was such a treat and an amazing success!! Friends and family supported us in a huge way and we received lots of fun goodies but Melanie is also donating a generous portion of her commission to our adoption. We are so, so thankful for the way our friends have encouraged and supported us!
Each time I seem to get to a low point in the wait, the Lord brings a friend to do something like Melanie did or to just encourage me to not get discouraged. We have also had several friends in the last few months take some huge initiative and sell the Uganda bead necklaces for us at their workplaces. A friend from church, Holly Davis, actually sold sixteen necklaces at her workplace!
Rebecca Cannon also did a home party for Norwex for us and donated a portion of her sales commission! I actually ended up just loving the products so much that I became a consultant and am going to sell them as well! This will be a great way to make a little income and help with fundraising also.
I actually have another friend that wants to do a similar fundraiser with us for Pampered Chef so I need to find some time to do that one too! We are SO blessed!! Which is why when I begin to think and feel like the adoption will never happen...the Lord sends His loved ones to remind me that He has not forgotten. He is just making us ready, making them ready and His timing is perfect:) Not sure why I have to be reminded so often, because He certainly is faithful time and time again!
I'll leave you with this song that I have played over and over this week...Always!
Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always, always
We are in a really good season. The boys have started school and we are establishing some great routines with schoolwork and sleep and eating and exercise. The two youngest have amazing teachers and McCall and I are enjoying homeschooling. Community Bible Study and Co-op for McCall both start next week as well as flag football. We have lots for me to be focused on...lots of balls to keep in the air. I am thankful and I love it.
However, honestly so, so often my mind is a million miles away wondering....where are the other littles that should be here, what are they doing, who is feeding them, is anyone looking in their eyes? Are they sick, scared, hungry? Every morning we pray for them, over them. A million times a day I pray for them, over them, about them....checking my email a gajillion times to see if there is any new news.
Sorry for sounding pitiful. It is just a weird season. So full and so good...yet I am still feeling so distracted and torn so often. Yet I'm thankful that I recognize areas the Lord is working in me....teaching me how to be content, how to choose to turn my thoughts toward praise and meditate on all I have for which to be thankful, taking my anxiety and impatience to prayer and fighting to be right "here".
We are #2 on the waiting list. No movement since April. We are in the process of being refingerprinted and in October we will need to have our homestudy updated so we can request an extension with USCIS before January when it would expire. We are driving the 15 passenger van full time now. A great reminder to walk by faith, not by sight.
My sweet friend, Melanie Turner, held a Thirty-One Adoption Fundraiser for us in August. It was such a treat and an amazing success!! Friends and family supported us in a huge way and we received lots of fun goodies but Melanie is also donating a generous portion of her commission to our adoption. We are so, so thankful for the way our friends have encouraged and supported us!
Each time I seem to get to a low point in the wait, the Lord brings a friend to do something like Melanie did or to just encourage me to not get discouraged. We have also had several friends in the last few months take some huge initiative and sell the Uganda bead necklaces for us at their workplaces. A friend from church, Holly Davis, actually sold sixteen necklaces at her workplace!
Rebecca Cannon also did a home party for Norwex for us and donated a portion of her sales commission! I actually ended up just loving the products so much that I became a consultant and am going to sell them as well! This will be a great way to make a little income and help with fundraising also.
I actually have another friend that wants to do a similar fundraiser with us for Pampered Chef so I need to find some time to do that one too! We are SO blessed!! Which is why when I begin to think and feel like the adoption will never happen...the Lord sends His loved ones to remind me that He has not forgotten. He is just making us ready, making them ready and His timing is perfect:) Not sure why I have to be reminded so often, because He certainly is faithful time and time again!
I'll leave you with this song that I have played over and over this week...Always!
Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always, always
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
The progress of pause, the joy of weeding and the Land Between
We have been very silent....I apologize for this. SO MUCH has transpired and yet, oddly enough, NOTHING new has happened. I realize this probably doesn't make much sense but in the world of international adoption...this is how it goes.
We had another yard sale that was wildly successful. We made around $1400 and are still working on selling some larger items through some online sites. THANK YOU immensely to the many, many friends that donated, helped sort and sell and purchased items. We are blessed!!
We recently purchased a 15 passenger van from my sister and her family for a super great price that we couldn't pass up. If we are able to adopt three children then we will need a larger vehicle. We have been asking the Lord to solve that problem when necessary. When the opportunity arose to buy the van we just decided to move on it in faith and if it turns out that we don't need it then we can sell it and put the money toward the adoption fund. It actually has been used quite a bit for multi-family trips and to help out with transporting groups to church, etc. It is a blessing:) And yes I can drive a big, ole van! My day camp and church youth chaperone experience as well as the days I worked at the Pee Dee Girls Home are all coming in handy now!
We have been hoping and praying since October that the Lord would allow us the joy of being referred a sibling group of three that we knew about. We have been praying for them and keeping tabs on how they are doing. We found out a couple of weeks ago that their parents have been found. This is good news and prayerfully, at least the mom, will work toward being reunited with the children. That is the hope. The children are doing remarkable well in the orphanage. There is still the remote possibility that the mother will decide not to care long-term for her children but with both parents alive and able...it is unlikely that the U.S. Embassy will recognize these children as true orphans. Which means even if we were to obtain legal guardianship for them in Uganda, it could be impossible to receive a visa for them to enter the United States. It is complicated.
So....we are still number two on the waiting list with our agency. However, finding out that adopting the siblings was no longer a possibility was very hard emotionally. Much harder than I anticipated. For me it was a bit like a miscarriage of hope. It did send me spinning. However, the Lord is so good, and has been using this disappointment to truly teach me. He is teaching me that the way I handle disappointment truly reveals my trust in Him.
This has been really hard....because I am realizing that often when I face disappointment or my plans, hopes, dreams don't turn out the way I WANT or EXPECT....my initial reaction is....frustration, anger and honestly, very often complaining. Why? Because I'm not getting my way and I'm out of control.
What He is showing me is that I am depending on MY CONTROL...not trusting that HE is indeed in control. He is not surprised at what is going on. He is not scared, filled with anxiety or uncertainty. Why can I not rest in the fact that this indeed must be part of HIS plan (although not mine) and He has my best interests at heart. Why can't I turn to PRAISE instead of COMPLAINT? Will I take on an attitude of complaint as the Israelites did repeatedly in the desert? Complaining about no water...then no food...then too much manna....then too much meat. If I remember correctly that didn't turn out so well for them. Or will I respond with trust and praise Him ....as Paul did in prison?
Our prayer all along has truly been that the Lord would be glorified through our journey and our story. We seriously want that...but I sense God asking..."Really? So as soon as things don't go your way, and according to your timeline, you get whiny and huffy. You moan and cry and complain. This process leads to ME being glorified! So you really didn't mean it when you prayed for me to be glorified? That just sounded good, right? Glad that you are seeing the true intention of your heart. Awesome!" Yeah, God talks to me like that....quite sarcastic, really:)
So, honestly, I don't want to be where I am....but I am grateful to a God that takes me places I don't want to be in order to teach me things and do a work in me that I truly desperately, deep down want and need. He is refining my trust and teaching me what to do while I wait. He is teaching me how to make my waiting room, a work room. There is not a lot going on externally, but certainly there is much going on internally!
I was weeding today and amazed at how when I pull up one weed and get to the root it so often it is attached and tangled up with other weeds. One root would lead to another, then another, then another. I kind of feel like that is what the Lord is working on in me. I have asked Him to pull out and remove some nastiness in my heart (lack of trust, selfish desires, complaining attitude)....but once He starts pulling it leads to another giant dollar weed that has been tangled up in there and doing damage. So then I ask Him to get rid of that but that is attached to a nasty ole dandelion weed...and the process continues. He is so good to me....so faithful and good to us!
I realize this post has kind of been everywhere...thanks for your patience:) I am going to leave you with some quotes from the book The Land Between: Finding God in Difficult Transitions by Jeff Manion. I have been reading this while walking through this season and it has been G-O-O-O-D. I also heard him speak recently and it is a hard but wonderful word. Thanks for keeping up with us and journeying with us and especially for your prayers. Please pray He is glorified, we are submitted and obedient and we will wait with expectant anticipation....with hope:)
"Often God chooses to meet us with His blessing in a place we do not choose to be. He will bless us on the detour. He will bless us in the Land Between. Often the place of blessing is not our place of preference.
Our longing, however deep, may not change the reality. Sometimes we don't get to choose. But will we open our hearts to God? Will we open our lives to His work and His blessing while we are not where we want to be?
Our faithfulness to God in difficult times springs from trust.
Often God leads us through the land we most want to avoid in order to produce the fruit we most desperately desire.
Resist the temptation to zone out, numb out or check out. Pain is purposeful when we respond to God with open and receptive hearts in the midst of deep trial. God intends to grow something beautiful and deep and lasting, but we must cooperate with God for the season of hardship to work its intended transformation. Don't let your detour go wasted. You are in training and God is up to something good!"
We had another yard sale that was wildly successful. We made around $1400 and are still working on selling some larger items through some online sites. THANK YOU immensely to the many, many friends that donated, helped sort and sell and purchased items. We are blessed!!
We recently purchased a 15 passenger van from my sister and her family for a super great price that we couldn't pass up. If we are able to adopt three children then we will need a larger vehicle. We have been asking the Lord to solve that problem when necessary. When the opportunity arose to buy the van we just decided to move on it in faith and if it turns out that we don't need it then we can sell it and put the money toward the adoption fund. It actually has been used quite a bit for multi-family trips and to help out with transporting groups to church, etc. It is a blessing:) And yes I can drive a big, ole van! My day camp and church youth chaperone experience as well as the days I worked at the Pee Dee Girls Home are all coming in handy now!
We have been hoping and praying since October that the Lord would allow us the joy of being referred a sibling group of three that we knew about. We have been praying for them and keeping tabs on how they are doing. We found out a couple of weeks ago that their parents have been found. This is good news and prayerfully, at least the mom, will work toward being reunited with the children. That is the hope. The children are doing remarkable well in the orphanage. There is still the remote possibility that the mother will decide not to care long-term for her children but with both parents alive and able...it is unlikely that the U.S. Embassy will recognize these children as true orphans. Which means even if we were to obtain legal guardianship for them in Uganda, it could be impossible to receive a visa for them to enter the United States. It is complicated.
So....we are still number two on the waiting list with our agency. However, finding out that adopting the siblings was no longer a possibility was very hard emotionally. Much harder than I anticipated. For me it was a bit like a miscarriage of hope. It did send me spinning. However, the Lord is so good, and has been using this disappointment to truly teach me. He is teaching me that the way I handle disappointment truly reveals my trust in Him.
This has been really hard....because I am realizing that often when I face disappointment or my plans, hopes, dreams don't turn out the way I WANT or EXPECT....my initial reaction is....frustration, anger and honestly, very often complaining. Why? Because I'm not getting my way and I'm out of control.
What He is showing me is that I am depending on MY CONTROL...not trusting that HE is indeed in control. He is not surprised at what is going on. He is not scared, filled with anxiety or uncertainty. Why can I not rest in the fact that this indeed must be part of HIS plan (although not mine) and He has my best interests at heart. Why can't I turn to PRAISE instead of COMPLAINT? Will I take on an attitude of complaint as the Israelites did repeatedly in the desert? Complaining about no water...then no food...then too much manna....then too much meat. If I remember correctly that didn't turn out so well for them. Or will I respond with trust and praise Him ....as Paul did in prison?
Our prayer all along has truly been that the Lord would be glorified through our journey and our story. We seriously want that...but I sense God asking..."Really? So as soon as things don't go your way, and according to your timeline, you get whiny and huffy. You moan and cry and complain. This process leads to ME being glorified! So you really didn't mean it when you prayed for me to be glorified? That just sounded good, right? Glad that you are seeing the true intention of your heart. Awesome!" Yeah, God talks to me like that....quite sarcastic, really:)
So, honestly, I don't want to be where I am....but I am grateful to a God that takes me places I don't want to be in order to teach me things and do a work in me that I truly desperately, deep down want and need. He is refining my trust and teaching me what to do while I wait. He is teaching me how to make my waiting room, a work room. There is not a lot going on externally, but certainly there is much going on internally!
I was weeding today and amazed at how when I pull up one weed and get to the root it so often it is attached and tangled up with other weeds. One root would lead to another, then another, then another. I kind of feel like that is what the Lord is working on in me. I have asked Him to pull out and remove some nastiness in my heart (lack of trust, selfish desires, complaining attitude)....but once He starts pulling it leads to another giant dollar weed that has been tangled up in there and doing damage. So then I ask Him to get rid of that but that is attached to a nasty ole dandelion weed...and the process continues. He is so good to me....so faithful and good to us!
I realize this post has kind of been everywhere...thanks for your patience:) I am going to leave you with some quotes from the book The Land Between: Finding God in Difficult Transitions by Jeff Manion. I have been reading this while walking through this season and it has been G-O-O-O-D. I also heard him speak recently and it is a hard but wonderful word. Thanks for keeping up with us and journeying with us and especially for your prayers. Please pray He is glorified, we are submitted and obedient and we will wait with expectant anticipation....with hope:)
"Often God chooses to meet us with His blessing in a place we do not choose to be. He will bless us on the detour. He will bless us in the Land Between. Often the place of blessing is not our place of preference.
Our longing, however deep, may not change the reality. Sometimes we don't get to choose. But will we open our hearts to God? Will we open our lives to His work and His blessing while we are not where we want to be?
Our faithfulness to God in difficult times springs from trust.
Often God leads us through the land we most want to avoid in order to produce the fruit we most desperately desire.
Resist the temptation to zone out, numb out or check out. Pain is purposeful when we respond to God with open and receptive hearts in the midst of deep trial. God intends to grow something beautiful and deep and lasting, but we must cooperate with God for the season of hardship to work its intended transformation. Don't let your detour go wasted. You are in training and God is up to something good!"
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Pressing in...
Every few weeks I hit a storm and freak out. I feel the weight of the wait and I thrash around, flailing for some feeling of control...I send frantic emails, FB message friends to please pray for me in the midst of feeling helpless and hopeless about the process, I try to "figure out" how things could work, might work, may progress. Yesterday was one of those days. I whig out emotionally...it is not pretty friends. My poor husband...he can usually find me those days making chocolate chip cookies and eating unhealthy amounts of the dough or even worse holed up at Cold Stone Creamery. It isn't pretty folks, but it's true.
So today I am in a kind of haze...reality sets back in...I feel a little hope...but exhausted. I wore myself out. Trusting is best. I know this yet I default to this craziness every few weeks. Sigh...
Today the Lord sent this blog post...
From wise and wonderful Sara Hagerty. I share her posts every so often. Thank you Jesus for using her journey and her wisdom to speak to me and speak to my emptiness and lack of faith. He is so good to know what we need and love us enough to remind us of His love, His Sovereignty and His plan.
We serve a precious Lord and amazing God. Thank you friends that were near enough during my manic episode yesterday to love me through it:) I hope Sara's perspective helps you understand a bit...
So once again I am pressing in to the wait and asking:
So today I am in a kind of haze...reality sets back in...I feel a little hope...but exhausted. I wore myself out. Trusting is best. I know this yet I default to this craziness every few weeks. Sigh...
Today the Lord sent this blog post...
From wise and wonderful Sara Hagerty. I share her posts every so often. Thank you Jesus for using her journey and her wisdom to speak to me and speak to my emptiness and lack of faith. He is so good to know what we need and love us enough to remind us of His love, His Sovereignty and His plan.
We serve a precious Lord and amazing God. Thank you friends that were near enough during my manic episode yesterday to love me through it:) I hope Sara's perspective helps you understand a bit...
So once again I am pressing in to the wait and asking:
"Father, what don’t I know about You that You want to reveal to me here?
What side of Yourself do You want to write on my story?"
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Not a fan of "wait" training
So....we have moved up the wait list to #3. And that is exciting!! However, the reality is we may remain at #3, #2, or # 1 for a very, very, very long time. Our agency has absolutely no idea or prediction when a child or children will become available for a referral....let alone then court and travel.
I'm not gonna lie to you this is really hard. I am totally out of control and probably 5 out of 7 days of the week I am bordering on feeling like a crazy lady internally. I am learning the power of praise and putting on a thankful heart. I am really learning a lot...but the hard way....the kind of learning that comes through pain, and lots of internal dying. Lotsa fun! Yeah I'm not really the poster child for international adoption right now...BUT on the other hand my passion for adoption only grows each day. The more I learn and the more incredible families I meet and hear their stories...the more passionate I become for these children and what this journey can produce in people that submit their wills and their lives to do whatever the Lord asks. And for the Chapmans the call right now is to wait with blind faith and complete trust in the One who is so very faithful. Oh, and to do it with joyful hearts and God-honoring attitudes. Sounds easy, right? Absolutely not easy.
I was venting (complaining) to a precious new internet friend who has brought her sweet daughter home from Uganda within the last six months and she told me that the only wisdom she had was to point me back to Jesus...to point me to Truth. She shared this article with me and it has really helped....lots of it I already knew but I believe it is a great perspective that I will keep coming back to over the next few days...weeks...months...maybe years. I mean aren't I called to be obedient even if I never see the end of the wait? Yes, yes I am...even though I don't like that answer.
Thank you to all you precious friends that help me get through each day...asking about our journey...bringing me chocolate...letting me talk incessantly about adoption details that you don't really understand at all...people that buy and wear their Ugandan beads (I LOVE seeing them!).......commenting on FB....getting excited with us about the little steps...praying for us...and keeping hope with us...THANK YOU!
This is one of the verses I'm clinging to these days:)
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who called us is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Hebrews 10:24-25
I'm not gonna lie to you this is really hard. I am totally out of control and probably 5 out of 7 days of the week I am bordering on feeling like a crazy lady internally. I am learning the power of praise and putting on a thankful heart. I am really learning a lot...but the hard way....the kind of learning that comes through pain, and lots of internal dying. Lotsa fun! Yeah I'm not really the poster child for international adoption right now...BUT on the other hand my passion for adoption only grows each day. The more I learn and the more incredible families I meet and hear their stories...the more passionate I become for these children and what this journey can produce in people that submit their wills and their lives to do whatever the Lord asks. And for the Chapmans the call right now is to wait with blind faith and complete trust in the One who is so very faithful. Oh, and to do it with joyful hearts and God-honoring attitudes. Sounds easy, right? Absolutely not easy.
I was venting (complaining) to a precious new internet friend who has brought her sweet daughter home from Uganda within the last six months and she told me that the only wisdom she had was to point me back to Jesus...to point me to Truth. She shared this article with me and it has really helped....lots of it I already knew but I believe it is a great perspective that I will keep coming back to over the next few days...weeks...months...maybe years. I mean aren't I called to be obedient even if I never see the end of the wait? Yes, yes I am...even though I don't like that answer.
Thank you to all you precious friends that help me get through each day...asking about our journey...bringing me chocolate...letting me talk incessantly about adoption details that you don't really understand at all...people that buy and wear their Ugandan beads (I LOVE seeing them!).......commenting on FB....getting excited with us about the little steps...praying for us...and keeping hope with us...THANK YOU!
This is one of the verses I'm clinging to these days:)
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who called us is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Hebrews 10:24-25
Saturday, February 11, 2012
So much...
A few weeks ago I had the remarkable opportunity to attend Created for Care, a conference for adoptive moms. It was educational, encouraging, refreshing and amazing! It was started by a couple of adoptive moms two years ago that just recognized a need for adoptive moms to feel connected, educated and encouraged. They planned for 75 ladies, max and within 24 hours they had 250 women registered. This year they planned for around 450 woman and very quickly sold out so they are having a second weekend retreat in March. It was amazing being around so many woman that are in the midst of a similar process. Many already have their little ones home, some are traveling soon and many like me, are considered at the beginning of their journey.
I was surprised at how well done everything was...as this is truly run by 5 adoptive moms (with large families) and their friends. Amazing music, beautiful accomodations (Legacy Lodge at Lake Lanier), spoiled with yummy food, complete organization, schedule that was not overpacked, appropriate vendor booths...allowing for time to process. I went not knowing anyone...which was SO fun!
I met two other moms, one that has adopted through our same agency (Nightlight) and orphanage, in Columbia and we rode up together. Then I roomed with 3 ladies I connected with online that offered me a spot in their room. They were great!! One adopted domestically, one adopting form the Congo and one just starting her process and not sure where in Africa she is going to adopt.
I heard so many truths that I have hidden in my heart and written down in my notebook that I am still processing and chewing on. So many wise, wise women were there to learn from. I was able to meet and visit a bit with Suzanne Mayernick from 147 Million Orphans as well as Morgan Hansow from Light Gives Heat. That was a wonderful experience.
I brought lots of notes and cds home to chew on and process through. I also am excited to have many new resources to learn from like the wisdom from this church and their leadership and this website.
So...a few weeks ago we found out that most of our dossier was almost a year old and our agency felt like we should renew ALL of that paperwork:) So we are hopefully a week away from the last of it being finished up and mailed in! Then we will officially be on the waiting list. It looks like we may be fourth on the waiting list. So then we pray and wait for a referral!
While at the conference I met quite a few moms that have brought home HIV+ kiddos. It is amazing the progress these little ones have made. Josie Love Mayernick for example...(you can read her story here) she came home a very, very sick little girl and within 9 months of being on the right drug regimen the HIV traces in her body are almost undetectable! Hearing their stories helped educate me and made me want to share what I am learning with each of you. There is a wonderful organization called Project Hopeful that has helped me learn more. I wanted to share a few things that I read on their site that I found very interesting...
I was surprised at how well done everything was...as this is truly run by 5 adoptive moms (with large families) and their friends. Amazing music, beautiful accomodations (Legacy Lodge at Lake Lanier), spoiled with yummy food, complete organization, schedule that was not overpacked, appropriate vendor booths...allowing for time to process. I went not knowing anyone...which was SO fun!
I met two other moms, one that has adopted through our same agency (Nightlight) and orphanage, in Columbia and we rode up together. Then I roomed with 3 ladies I connected with online that offered me a spot in their room. They were great!! One adopted domestically, one adopting form the Congo and one just starting her process and not sure where in Africa she is going to adopt.
I heard so many truths that I have hidden in my heart and written down in my notebook that I am still processing and chewing on. So many wise, wise women were there to learn from. I was able to meet and visit a bit with Suzanne Mayernick from 147 Million Orphans as well as Morgan Hansow from Light Gives Heat. That was a wonderful experience.
I brought lots of notes and cds home to chew on and process through. I also am excited to have many new resources to learn from like the wisdom from this church and their leadership and this website.
So...a few weeks ago we found out that most of our dossier was almost a year old and our agency felt like we should renew ALL of that paperwork:) So we are hopefully a week away from the last of it being finished up and mailed in! Then we will officially be on the waiting list. It looks like we may be fourth on the waiting list. So then we pray and wait for a referral!
While at the conference I met quite a few moms that have brought home HIV+ kiddos. It is amazing the progress these little ones have made. Josie Love Mayernick for example...(you can read her story here) she came home a very, very sick little girl and within 9 months of being on the right drug regimen the HIV traces in her body are almost undetectable! Hearing their stories helped educate me and made me want to share what I am learning with each of you. There is a wonderful organization called Project Hopeful that has helped me learn more. I wanted to share a few things that I read on their site that I found very interesting...
Enable Education
The Truth Pandemic campaign is part of an ongoing educational initiative to encourage public awareness about the facts regarding HIV transmission and orphans living with HIV/AIDS. Project HOPEFUL believes that education is key to addressing the needs of orphans with HIV and families/individuals who would seek to adopt them.
The Truth Pandemic campaign is part of an ongoing educational initiative to encourage public awareness about the facts regarding HIV transmission and orphans living with HIV/AIDS. Project HOPEFUL believes that education is key to addressing the needs of orphans with HIV and families/individuals who would seek to adopt them.
What you need to know:
- `HIV is considered a chronic but manageable disease with proper treatment.
`Children who receive treatment are expected to live a normal lifespan. - `HIV has never been transmitted in normal family living conditions.
- `You NEVER have to fear contracting HIV through casual contact with an HIV+ person.
- `HIV is spread in three main ways: sexual contact, IV drug use through the sharing of dirty needles,
mother to infant (pregnancy, birth or breast feeding.) - `All around the world orphans are overlooked for adoption because of their HIV+ status.
- `Medications called ARVs can mean the difference between life and death.
- `The combination of three or more ARVs is called HAART. (Highly Active Anti-Retroviral Therapy)
- `With medications HIV can be effectively managed to the point that the virus is undetectable in laboratory tests.
- `There is a term for the miraculous transformation HIV+ people undergo when they begin receiving the medications they need.
The Lazarus Effect is a term commonly used to describe people who were once on the brink of death who have been restored again to health through medication.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Bloodlines
I watched this documentary recently of John Piper speaking about moving from the racism he grew up in and journeying toward the eventual adoption of his youngest child, Talitha, who is African American. It is a beautiful story and the video is very well done. It is about 19 minutes long and not "normal" Piper:) I appreciate Piper but honestly can't always keep up with him....but this video touched my heart and spirit. I also found it interesting that he grew up in Greenville, SC. I hope you'll take some time to watch.
Transparency...
Wish I had great news but honestly this week I am feeling quite discouraged. Our dossier was turned in and our agency has asked us to redo almost half of it. Much of our paperwork was completed in Jan/Feb/March/April of last year. We did lots of it while we were doing our home study paperwork so we could be ready to mail it in as soon as we received our USCIS approval. When Mark's job changed in June before we received that coveted USCIS approval, everything paused. Then once he was rehired in Sept. we had to amend our home study before we could submit our dossier. And now we are in 2012 and that means much of the paperwork in our dossier is almost a year old. Apparently in Uganda when it comes to this kind of paperwork it isn't wise to have it that old.
So we are reordering birth certificates. Did you know a birth certificate in SC costs $12 each and birth certificates from Michigan cost $50 each and birth certificates from Colorado cost $30? Each person in the household has to have 2 new birth certificates. Although we have 6 marriage certificates issued February of 2010, we have to get 2 newer ones:) Thankfully we have the money because of all our wonderful fundraisers but just hate spending it on redoing paperwork!
Do I sound frustrated? Yeah I am. I realize I shouldn't be and it is just part of this process. I am just ready to feel like we are making progress! Okay enough whining:) I am THANKFUL! For what I am learning in the wait...for the way this pressure is prayerfully causing some refining and in the end some beautiful character.
I am thankful that in the delays and waiting God is surely working and although His ways are indeed not my ways...they are so much better! Do I feel thankful? No, at the moment I FEEL like I want to throw a hissy fit and stomp my foot and pout and whine to Jesus about why in the world I have to REDO all this blasted paperwork that I FINALLY just finished!! And why I have to spend all this money again and why does it all have to take SO stinking long!!!
Big cleansing breath....the Lord sees and knows...His timing is amazingly perfect...He has our best interests in mind....and I can always trust His heart...He knows where our littles are and when they will need us...He is preparing the way before us and none of this journey is wasted...none of the pain, none of the frustration, none of the growth opportunities, none of the new relationships made, none of the angst. Gotta keep my eyes on that! Thanks for journeying with us:) In the end...it is going to be blow-our-minds amazing! I just deep-in-my gut KNOW it!
So we are reordering birth certificates. Did you know a birth certificate in SC costs $12 each and birth certificates from Michigan cost $50 each and birth certificates from Colorado cost $30? Each person in the household has to have 2 new birth certificates. Although we have 6 marriage certificates issued February of 2010, we have to get 2 newer ones:) Thankfully we have the money because of all our wonderful fundraisers but just hate spending it on redoing paperwork!
Do I sound frustrated? Yeah I am. I realize I shouldn't be and it is just part of this process. I am just ready to feel like we are making progress! Okay enough whining:) I am THANKFUL! For what I am learning in the wait...for the way this pressure is prayerfully causing some refining and in the end some beautiful character.
I am thankful that in the delays and waiting God is surely working and although His ways are indeed not my ways...they are so much better! Do I feel thankful? No, at the moment I FEEL like I want to throw a hissy fit and stomp my foot and pout and whine to Jesus about why in the world I have to REDO all this blasted paperwork that I FINALLY just finished!! And why I have to spend all this money again and why does it all have to take SO stinking long!!!
Big cleansing breath....the Lord sees and knows...His timing is amazingly perfect...He has our best interests in mind....and I can always trust His heart...He knows where our littles are and when they will need us...He is preparing the way before us and none of this journey is wasted...none of the pain, none of the frustration, none of the growth opportunities, none of the new relationships made, none of the angst. Gotta keep my eyes on that! Thanks for journeying with us:) In the end...it is going to be blow-our-minds amazing! I just deep-in-my gut KNOW it!
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