Saturday, September 1, 2012

He Will Not Delay

This post just totally messed me up! I hate it when I read something like this....and it just settles in somewhere deep in my heart, mind, soul and starts to burrow and dig.  I know I came upon it for a purpose and I trust that the Lord will do with it what He wills...but it is uncomfortable and hard and I am not sure where it will lead.

But I can't hide from how it makes me feel or what it has opened my eyes to.

 “If you really cared about us —then why didn’t you come sooner?

Ugh! This quote punches me in the gut on so many levels. Like when you were a kid and fell down and got the breath knocked out of you.  What am I missing, Lord? Recently one of my most common prayers has been, "Speed the days Lord to bring our little ones home!" And this morning when I was praying with the boys I asked, "Lord, if there is something we are missing that could help the process along, then show us!"  I don't know that there is an answer to that.

We are in a really good season.  The boys have started school and we are establishing some great routines with schoolwork and sleep and eating and exercise.  The two youngest have amazing teachers and McCall and I are enjoying homeschooling.  Community Bible Study and Co-op for McCall both start next week as well as flag football.  We have lots for me to be focused on...lots of balls to keep in the air.  I am thankful and I love it.

However, honestly so, so often my mind is a million miles away wondering....where are the other littles that should be here, what are they doing, who is feeding them, is anyone looking in their eyes? Are they sick, scared, hungry?  Every morning we pray for them, over them.  A million times a day I pray for them, over them, about them....checking my email a gajillion times to see if there is any new news.

Sorry for sounding pitiful.  It is just a weird season.  So full and so good...yet I am still feeling so distracted and torn so often.  Yet I'm thankful that I recognize areas the Lord is working in me....teaching me how to be content, how to choose to turn my thoughts toward praise and meditate on all I have for which to be thankful, taking my anxiety and impatience to prayer and fighting to be right "here".

We are #2 on the waiting list.  No movement since April.  We are in the process of being refingerprinted and in October we will need to have our homestudy updated so we can request an extension with USCIS before January when it would expire.  We are driving the 15 passenger van full time now.  A great reminder to walk by faith, not by sight.

My sweet friend, Melanie Turner, held a Thirty-One Adoption Fundraiser for us in August. It was such a treat and an amazing success!! Friends and family supported us in a huge way and we received lots of fun goodies but Melanie is also donating a generous portion of her commission to our adoption.  We are so, so thankful for the way our friends have encouraged and supported us!  

Each time I seem to get to a low point in the wait, the Lord brings a friend to do something like Melanie did or to just encourage me to not get discouraged.  We have also had several friends in the last few months take some huge initiative and sell the Uganda bead necklaces for us at their workplaces.  A friend from church, Holly Davis, actually sold sixteen necklaces at her workplace!

Rebecca Cannon also did a home party for Norwex for us and donated a portion of her sales commission!  I actually ended up just loving the products so much that I became a consultant and am going to sell them as well!  This will be a great way to make a little income and help with fundraising also.

I actually have another friend that wants to do a similar fundraiser with us for Pampered Chef so I need to find some time to do that one too!  We are SO blessed!!  Which is why when I begin to think and feel like the adoption will never happen...the Lord sends His loved ones to remind me that He has not forgotten.  He is just making us ready, making them ready and His timing is perfect:)  Not sure why I have to be reminded so often, because He certainly is faithful time and time again!

I'll leave you with this song that I have played over and over this week...Always!

Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always, always