Thursday, March 29, 2012

Pressing in...

Every few weeks I hit a storm and freak out.  I feel the weight of the wait and I thrash around, flailing for some feeling of control...I send frantic emails, FB message friends to please pray for me in the midst of feeling helpless and hopeless about the process, I try to "figure out" how things could work, might work, may progress.  Yesterday was one of those days.  I whig out is not pretty friends.  My poor husband...he can usually find me those days making chocolate chip cookies and eating unhealthy amounts of the dough or even worse holed up at Cold Stone Creamery.  It isn't pretty folks, but it's true.

So today I am in a kind of haze...reality sets back in...I feel a little hope...but exhausted.  I wore myself out. Trusting is best. I know this yet I default to this craziness every few weeks.  Sigh...

Today the Lord sent this blog post...
From wise and wonderful Sara Hagerty.  I share her posts every so often. Thank you Jesus for using her journey and her wisdom to speak to me and speak to my emptiness and lack of faith.  He is so good to know what we need and love us enough to remind us of His love, His Sovereignty and His plan.

We serve a precious Lord and amazing God.  Thank you friends that were near enough during my manic episode yesterday to love me through it:)  I hope Sara's perspective helps you understand a bit...
So once again I am pressing in to the wait and asking:

"Father, what don’t I know about You that You want to reveal to me here? 
What side of Yourself do You want to write on my story?"

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Not a fan of "wait" training

So....we have moved up the wait list to #3.  And that is exciting!! However, the reality is we may remain at #3, #2, or # 1 for a very, very, very long time.  Our agency has absolutely no idea or prediction when a child or children will become available for a referral....let alone then court and travel.

I'm not gonna lie to you this is really hard.  I am totally out of control and probably 5 out of 7 days of the week I am bordering on feeling like a crazy lady internally.  I am learning the power of praise and putting on a thankful heart.  I am really learning a lot...but the hard way....the kind of learning that comes through pain, and lots of internal dying.  Lotsa fun!  Yeah I'm not really the poster child for international adoption right now...BUT on the other hand my passion for adoption only grows each day. The more I learn and the more incredible families I meet and hear their stories...the more passionate I become for these children and what this journey can produce in people that submit their wills and their lives to do whatever the Lord asks.  And for the Chapmans the call right now is to wait with blind faith and complete trust in the One who is so very faithful.  Oh, and to do it with joyful hearts and God-honoring attitudes.  Sounds easy, right? Absolutely not easy.

I was venting (complaining) to a precious new internet friend who has brought her sweet daughter home from Uganda within the last six months and she told me that the only wisdom she had was to point me back to point me to Truth.  She shared this article with me and it has really helped....lots of it I already knew but I believe it is a great perspective that I will keep coming back to over the next few days...weeks...months...maybe years. I mean aren't I called to be obedient even if I never see the end of the wait?  Yes, yes I am...even though I don't like that answer.  

 Thank you to all you precious friends that help me get through each day...asking about our journey...bringing me chocolate...letting me talk incessantly about adoption details that you don't really understand at all...people that buy and wear their Ugandan beads (I LOVE seeing them!).......commenting on FB....getting excited with us about the little steps...praying for us...and keeping hope with us...THANK YOU!

This is one of the verses I'm clinging to these days:) 
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who called us is faithful.  And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.  Hebrews 10:24-25